Revelations - Time in a bottle - Part 1 [Backpost]

Posted on 09 Aug 2026 @ 6:43pm by Lieutenant Commander Leland Hawksley & 2nd Lieutenant Elora Rykov

7,212 words; about a 36 minute read

Mission: S04 Episode 02 The Hackers Backdoor (Incidentals)
Location: Holodeck, 02. Hockey Arena
Timeline: Backpost

[ON]

[Backpost]

The holodeck lights dimmed to simulate an empty Earth arena after hours.

The ice still glistened beneath the overhead lights. A dozen black pucks lay scattered around the offensive zone where slap shots had left fresh gouges in the boards. One goal had been knocked onto its side.

Silence had reclaimed the rink. High above it all, in the empty bleachers, Lieutenant Commander Leland Hawksley sat alone. His chest still rose and fell from exertion. His shirt clung to him with sweat, dark hair damp and sticking to his forehead. One hockey glove remained on his right hand. The other rested beside him. Across his knees lay what had once been his favorite hockey stick. Now it was snapped cleanly in two. Wood splinters littered the bench around him.

Leland sat hunched in the empty stands of the holodeck hockey rink, chest heaving like he’d just gone ten rounds with a Klingon. Sweat poured off him in sheets, soaking his jersey and dripping from his jaw onto the cold wood bench. His muscles burned with that raw, animalistic aftermath... the kind of exertion that came from skating like a beast possessed. No crowd. No teammates. Just him and the vast, desolate ice below, a perfect simulated pro rink stripped of everything but the echo of his own violence.

He’d played like something feral unleashed. Carving the ice with savage, predatory strides, slamming pucks into the net with bone-rattling force, throwing his body into checks against holographic ghosts and the boards themselves. Every stride had been instinct, every hit a primal purge. He needed it... needed to bleed the rage out through speed and impact and control, because sitting still with the truth had become unbearable.

Now the truth sat with him anyway.

The marriage was over. Ended. Lilli had the old quarters; he had the hollow new ones and three nights of sleeping alone like a wounded animal licking its wounds in the dark. He dragged a gloved hand roughly across his face, smearing sweat and leaving red marks on his skin. His breath still came in short, heated bursts, fogging in the cold air.

Shame coiled in his gut. Anger burned hotter. Confusion gnawed at the edges. But the worst... the newest, most vicious thing... was the taste of failure. He’d never known it like this.

Not in command. Not in the field. He’d prepared for every contingency, fought for every inch of their marriage like it was the last stand he’d ever make. Compromised until he barely recognized the man in the mirror. And it still hadn’t been enough. He hadn’t been enough.

“Jesus Christ,” Leland snarled, voice low and guttural, still rough from the growls he’d let out on the ice. The anger surged fresh and vicious, a living thing in his chest. At the universe. At her. At himself most of all. How the hell had he let the one fight that mattered slip through his fingers? He’d hit every problem head-on, checked it into the boards, tried to clear the zone... and still the whole thing had collapsed.

His fists clenched on his knees until the leather creaked. Sweat stung his eyes as he stared down at the pristine, untouched ice.

“Not good enough!” The roar tore out of him, raw and echoing across the empty rink. “I gave it everything I had and it still wasn’t fucking enough!”

Even his lucky stick was gone. Twenty years old. A constant through every chapter before this one... carried, relied on, never questioned. Lost now in the wreckage of the separation, just like everything else that had once anchored him.

Just like Lilli. Just like the future he’d bled to protect.

The holodeck lights hummed overhead, cold and indifferent.

Leland sat there alone in the stands, sweat cooling on his skin, the animal still pacing restless beneath the surface, with nothing left to hit but the silence.

He couldn’t stay silent anymore. The words tore out of him in a low, vicious mutter that grew louder with each breath. “You goddamn failure,” Leland spat at himself, staring down at his own sweat-soaked gloves. “You fought for everything else in your life... but not hard enough for her. Not smart enough to fix what was done now. What the hell kind of man fails like this?” His voice cracked with raw anger, then hardened again.

“Pathetic. Weak. Not good enough... never fucking good enough.” The animal inside him surged. He drew his leg back and drove his skate into the wood of the bleachers in front of him with a savage kick. The impact jolted up his leg, but he didn’t stop. Another kick. Then another. Each one a brutal punctuation to his self-loathing.

“Couldn’t solve it... couldn’t hold it together... just another thing you lost!” The dull, echoing thuds filled the desolate rink as he lashed out, teeth bared in a feral grimace, sweat flinging from his hair with every strike. His breath came in hot, ragged snarls now, the primal need to destroy something... anything... refusing to quiet.

Cassandra watched unseen from near the archway. So lost in his sorrow he had not even seen her enter. Those blue eyes of hers watched and understood his rage. She felt it too. "Well shit I missed the memo on lets beat the shit outta the holodeck day." She said as she finally approached him. Her slow steady strides unhindered by the ice. "Should I get suited up? We can kick the shit outta it together." She offered, "Or if you really need to let off steam we can wrestle, I promise I might even let you win if you impress me enough." The closer she got the easier it was to see the obvious. "Or if you rather, we can just talk. You look like you need to talk." all joking around was gone in those last words.

Leland’s blade was already drawn back when Cass’s voice sliced through the empty air of the bleachers. He froze.

The skate hovered inches from the splintered wood... then slowly lowered until the blade scraped rough against the bleacher in front of him. The sound was dull... final. His chest heaved, breath coming in hot ragged pulls, sweat flinging from his hair with every leftover tremor. Those eyes... usually so sharp... went wide. Caught in the full glare of headlights. Exposed. The animal inside him still thrashed, self-loathing seething hot and toxic... Pathetic. Weak. She sees it now. The rage boiled, demanding he keep kicking, keep destroying something before the shame finished swallowing him whole. But then his gaze locked on Cass. And the storm... tempered.

The fury didn’t vanish. It stayed coiled tight in Leland’s chest, but her steady blue eyes... the only ones that never flinched from him in these moments... pulled the worst of the edges back. His best friend. The only person left he could still speak to when the words felt like broken glass. The anger simmered low now... boiling but no longer exploding outward. Because she was here. Because she’d walked straight into his mess without hesitation.

Leland gathered himself. He pushed up from his seated spot on the bleacher, rising slow and stiff like his body didn’t want to let go of the violence yet. He stood there... tall, shoulders squared, hands loose and trembling at his sides. Sweat cooled on his skin. The desolate holodeck rink beyond the seating felt farther away now. He opened his mouth... closed it... tried again. The words tangled in confusion and the raw aftermath still humming under his ribs. “Cass...”

It came out hoarse. Almost broken. He swallowed hard, brow furrowed, eyes flicking over her face like he was still catching up to the fact that she was real and standing right there. He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to explain the storm still raging just under his skin or why the sight of her had made the worst of it pull back instead of explode. He just stood there... looking at her.

The teasing offers... suit up, wrestle, or talk... hung between them. Normally he might’ve fired something cocky back. But right now the words felt too heavy. Too sharp.

“Wrestling’s a bad idea,” Leland managed, voice still rough. “I’d hurt you. Or try to. And I don’t want that. Not with you.” A shaky exhale left him. “Talk... yeah. I think I need that more than I realized.” His eyes dropped for a second, then lifted again... honest, tired, still burning with leftover heat. “You always show up when I’m at my worst, Cass. I don’t know how you do that. But... I’m glad it’s you.”

He stood there in the middle of the ruined bleachers, the echo of his own kicks still fading from the wood and waited. The anger was still there, simmering low and dangerous, but it no longer owned him. Not while Cass was looking at him like that.

He didn’t know yet that she was about to become something far more than his best friend. Something that would pull him back from edges he didn’t even realize he was standing on. Not yet.

But in this moment, with her steady presence cutting through the dark, the first threads of that truth were already beginning to take hold.

Cassandra's smile softened as she closed the distance between them, stopping just within arm's reach.

"That's what being a best friend is all about, Lee." Her eyes drifted over the broken stick and battered bleachers before settling back on him.

"You've spent eight years showing up for everyone else. Your crew. Your engineers. Me." She gave him a faint smile. "Don't look so surprised that I showed up for you." She folded her arms loosely. "And you dare to call yourself a failure."

Her tone wasn't commanding, just certain. "I've watched you keep this starship alive with half the systems offline and a warp core ready to come apart. I've watched you solve problems that everyone else had already written off."

She shook her head. "But this..." She gestured lightly between them. "This wasn't an engineering problem, Leland There wasn't a conduit to reroute or a component to replace." Her expression softened. "You loved her. You fought for your marriage. Sometimes... even when you do everything you can... things still break." She stepped a little closer. "That doesn't mean you are broken."

A small grin returned. "And if I hear you call my best friend 'pathetic' again, I'm going to remind you exactly how much I outweigh you in stubbornness." Her hand rested gently on his forearm now. A slight gesture of reassurance. "You don't have to carry this alone." She reminded him.

Leland sat there on the edge of the battered bleachers... listening intently as Cass spoke. Every word of hers landed with weight... her quiet wisdom cutting through the leftover storm inside him. The steady weight of her hand on his shoulder kept him grounded... tempering what remained of his anger and hostility. He took it all in... the fight easing out of him because she was there.

He met her eyes... voice low and rough but steady. "Cass... your words hit me. I needed that. Thanks for showing up when I was at the bottom of it... and for the reminder I don't have to carry this alone."

"No you don't. You never have too." She motioned to an undamged part of the bleachers. "Care to sit a spell? It's been a long day. for both of us it seems."

Leland did his best; he began to muster up a smile from deep within him, showing Cass that he truly was happy she had entered when she did. She had a way of understanding him, a way of sensing him when he was in need. It always was this way with... With Cass.

Leland's gashed hand with scratches, some bleeding from the splinters... He rubbed the wooden bench, seated beside him. "Please. Sit down, hun. I've missed our talks. I've missed hearing from you lately more than you know..." He swallowed, his Adam's apple flexing hard. "How was your day, hun? I think I need a change of topic." He smiled ever more clearly now, seeing that he had Cass's attention. 'Relaxed... I feel... Relaxed.... How can this... So confused... her presence, Cass's presence...'

Leland took off his wet outer jersey and went down to his usual grey T-shirt as he reoriented himself, turning to Cass's side as she sat down next to him. Hawk watched her slowly. "Good..." He relaxed, visibly more now... This was good.....

Cassandra took the offered seat, She wasted no time in grabbing his scratched-up hand and pulling it into her lap where she began to examine it. "Well Good and Relaxed are an improvement over whatever this was." Her tone was still causal and she reachined into her jacket and pulled out the tiny first aid packet from her inner vest. She had started keeping one due to Martha getting into things and coming up with numerous boo boos. It would serve her well here too. She pulled out a cleaning wipe and swabbed the area carefully looking at the splinters. "That poor stick. It never stood a chance." She smiled as she reached in again and pulled out her little grooming kit to get her tweezers out.

"My day has been long. We had inventory, I had to reprimand several Marines for trying to order a moose and honest to god Moose, From Earth, of all things to be delivered to security as a prank for after we returned to port." She shook her head. "The rivalry is strong. You would think Benson and I being close would have made a difference in that area, If anything I feel it had exasperated it." She said as she worked at the splinters with motherly care.

Leland listened to Cass’s day as she took out, of all things, a first aid kit. “You literally have a first aid kit on you.” Leland felt his hand flinch for just a second, the bruising and need to pull his hand back being over ridden, watching the care in Cass’s eyes. Fighting the urge to pull away, he relented and relaxed.

Cassandra snorted softly as she continued fishing the last stubborn splinter from his palm. "I literally have Marines." She held up the tiny first aid kit with a shrug.

"After the third time one of my lance corporals decided stitches were 'optional,' I figured carrying one of these was easier than dragging them to Sickbay every other day."
She dabbed another bit of antiseptic over the cleaned wound before giving him a sideways grin.

“It’s just scratches...” Leland replied. “But AWwwW!!” He recoiled as Cass then placed some anti septic to the more than just scratches wound on his hand. In his haste he didn’t even look at his hands, he was used to far worse in Engineering.

"And don't be such a baby." Her grin widened mischievously, "I've seen you elbow-deep inside a plasma manifold with third-degree burns and you barely made a sound. A little antiseptic and suddenly Lieutenant Commander Hawksley discovers pain exists."

“Thanks.” Leland smiled. “Wait.” A wry smile forming. “95th sent a Moose. An Actual, Moose to Security Offices. Honest. You and Benson really got to sit in a room and hash out this… Whatever it is between you two. Actually,”

Leland’s free hand rubbed at the back of his neck, the crook in it, flexing his neck as he looked at Cass touching his sore hand, her expertly wiping away his scratches and blood cleanly. “I’d actually like to see how far it gets. You think Faith will just relinquish to a friggin’ Moose. It must have like shit everywheres?!” He broke in to a laugh… That felt so good.

The laugh that escaped him after mentioning the moose drew an answering one from her. It was a good sound. Genuine. She hadn't heard it from him in days.
"Oh, Lee..." she chuckled, shaking her head. "Faith wouldn't surrender to the moose."

She paused dramatically. "She'd detain it." Cassandra chuckled. “They were still in the process of trying to order one. So thankfully I think I intercepted it in time.”

“Oh man... That is classic Cass and Benny..." Hawksley snorted. "I think the worst I’ve ever gotten from Faith was blank stares and security lock downs in the Engineering lab. All intentional... It's her way saying she cares. Did I tell you about the time that Benson was working In Engineering labs and she literally blew up in my face, and landed in to the bulk head with her EVA suit. Yeah. We’re still working on it… Mea culpa and all.” Leland swallowed…

At the story about Faith crashing into the Engineering bulkhead, Cassandra barked out another laugh.
"That sounds exactly like Benny."

There was unmistakable affection beneath the teasing.
"She's all business until physics decides otherwise."
She carefully wrapped the last strip of dermal gauze around his knuckles before patting his hand once, satisfied with her work. "There." She nodded approvingly. "Now you're only eighty-five percent held together."

“Inventory. Marines don’t /do/ inventory… They put away things, but inventory. I can’t imagine you sitting filing things in Marine Country, Cass.” He winked. “Unless its your guns. Yes, you Marines like to take things apart, polish and re-assemble. In record time. I’d like to see how fast you can strip down an MA-445 Mag Rifle… We should have a comp some time. It’s the only one I know.” Leland let out a sigh, this time relaxing ever more. He kicked off his skate which was loose anyways. He would end up tripping on it, and set his foot up on the bench ascending forward.

When he questioned Marines doing inventory, she groaned theatrically. "Don't remind me. Three times a week. Comes with mountains of paperwork. The quartermaster demands nothing less. He reports to the chief of boat who as you know rules over us all from on high, just bellow our magnificent Executive Officer a Lieutenant Commander Remington Dodd and our beloved Captain Jasmine Somers.” She giggled a moment and then Her shoulders slumped in exaggerated defeat.

"Inventory is ninety percent counting magazines, ten percent convincing Marines that explosives are, in fact, things that should be accounted for."

She looked heavenward. "'No, Corporal, "I know I had another grenade somewhere" is not an acceptable inventory report.'"

Her eyes met his again, sparkling. "But yes..." She folded her arms with mock confidence. "I can strip an MA-445 blindfolded." A playful challenge crept into her smile. "You name the time and place, Engineer. Just don't cry when the Marine beats you."

“So. You were just passing by. Or did you need the holodeck? Where’s Martha? I miss seeing her. She hasn’t been by Engineering lately, damn. She was pointing out to me the warp conduits. Cass…” Leland’s eyes bugged. “She literally tells me how they work. I don’t have to kid around with Marty.” He smiled at that. “She’s brilliant. Just like you.”

As he asked about Martha, Cassandra's expression softened. "She's been busy." There was warmth in her voice that only came when speaking about the young engineer. "She's been buried in diagnostics and research projects. You know Martha..." She smiled fondly. "If something has wires or plasma running through it, she'll disappear into it for hours." She gave him a knowing look. "She talks about Engineering a lot."

Then, with a little smirk, "More specifically..." She gently nudged his shoulder with hers. "She talks about you."
Seeing his surprised expression made her smile broaden. "You've become one of her favorite people on this ship." Her voice grew quieter, more sincere. "You listen to her. Really listen."

She looked down at his now-bandaged hand resting still in her lad, held in her own now. . "Most people hear Martha. You actually understand her. For a moment, Cassandra simply studied him.

The exhaustion was still there. The sadness too. But it wasn't consuming him now. He was smiling again. Really smiling. That alone made coming here worth it. "I wasn't actually headed for the holodeck," she admitted softly. "I was walking past and heard someone trying to dismantle Starfleet property one kick at a time." She smiled warmly. She had been looking for him. Still she did not want to scare him off, "I'd know that temper anywhere."
There was a brief pause before she continued, her voice quieter than before. More serious now the teasing gone.

"I must confess…. I was looking for you.” She smiled a little unsure now. “I'm glad I found you." Blue eyes met his. "Because I missed you."

"I missed you. I fucking always miss you." He bumped his shoulder to Cass's shoulder warmly.

“And here you are looking for me. And witnessing this bullshit.” Leland looked at Cass. Really looking at her. He then smiled at hearing Martha was speaking about him.

“I like that. I ain’t a teacher, that’s for sure. Theres been a few times she looked confused, and I was like… I don’t know how to explain this. But she wants to know. Really. Wants. To know things… Like I was when a kid. So, I just think back to when I tore down my parents shit, and then its… back to the drawing bored, there never was explaining things on my part. But, I am working on it. I like it. Martha makes me think. She makes me believe I have something to offer a child, you know… To have her grow, to remember me. I really. I like that. I dunno.” He glowed at that. That was the largest compliment he could think.

Leland laughed too… “I need to tape some of those incidents with you and Benny. They really need remembering, and then need to be replayed on her security stations every few hours in a loop… Its easy. I could fix the computers. Really get in her face about it all. She’d love that, really love it.” Leland let his eyes linger at Cass.

He flexed his hand, looking at the fixed up bandaged hand. He flexed it slowly, and winced a bit. “You’re a real doctor you know that. And I am not a baby. Not a baby child.” He chuckled. He needed to hear about the good things lately. Cass was full of them every time she had come by. This was more than gold.

Leland leaned inward when Cass looked to the heavens above and interjected as she spoke to the good lord above. “Lord. She knows not what she does… Please give us a sign. Please tell us, what you wish for Benny to become under harassment. If it is your will, we will be your sheep, your flock dear lord. Bless us both.” Leland had always secretly prayed whenever working on large plasma conduits, things that would explode half the ship when he tinkered.

“It’s a real trust fall. That it is… That’s what I like about you and the Marines. You’re their guardian. Your hard as hell on them, and that’s what they expect. I emulate that in engineering. Todd and Thex think I can be a real Bear. But, I mean. You have a good way with the grunts down in Marines.” He then reached to the stand and pulled out his water bottle that was thrown in the stands an hour earlier. He took a good drink. He offered it to Cass. “I don’t back wash… Its nice and cold. Good water. Good water on this ship.” He swallowed.

Leland then let his hand slide behind the bench, not on Cass but behind her, relaxing around her. This was how he felt. He could be himself with not always putting up a front.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to come in. You could have just thought I was pissing off holograms… But why. Why did you come in?” Leland sensed. Leland knew. Leland needed to know. Damn it. “You can’t hear through those grid doors. Their titanium hydracore metallix. I fashioned them myself. God knows how much sex goes on in this place. It’s a filthy spot. That’s why I installed extra sound barriers.” He snorted. Damn, He snorted too much. He sounded stupid.

“I owe you, big time. You always back me up.” Lelands eyes looked in to Cass. Those eyes knew, she knew.

Cassandra accepted the water bottle with a grateful smile, no hesitation at all. Taking a small drink before handing it back to him. "You're right," she said quietly. "Good water."

She watched him settle, his arm resting casually along the back of the bench behind her. It was such a familiar gesture. Over the years they'd found themselves sitting like this more times than she could count—in observation lounges, engineering spaces, cargo bays after long missions, staring out at stars while everyone else slept.
It had always felt... easy. His question lingered between them. 'Why did you come in?' The answer was easy. Yet so hard to say.

'Because I love you and I know you're in pain? how could I not?' She thought to herself.

For the first time since she'd arrived, Cassandra didn't answer immediately. He didn’t know. Of course that had always been for the best. Instead, she looked out across the empty rink. The scarred ice reflected the overhead lights, pristine despite the chaos he'd unleashed upon it.
"I wasn't supposed to hear you." A small smile touched her lips. She glanced toward the holodeck doors. Her eyes drifted back to him. “I just…” Her words failed her a moment. She needed to tread carefully here. “I was looking for you, I just… I asked the computer… I came…And then I heard you."

Her smile faded into something gentler. "Not your voice." She reached over and lightly squeezed his bandaged hand. "You. That sound you make when you're carrying too much."
She shrugged one shoulder. "I've known you long enough to recognize it." Her blue eyes searched his face. "You've always been there when I needed someone. When I doubted myself. When I just... needed someone to sit beside me without trying to fix everything." A soft laugh escaped her. "That's your biggest flaw, you know. You think you have to repair everyone."

She smiled warmly looking at him again. "But sometimes...people just need you." She looked back down at his hand now resting in hers. "You've done that for me more times than you'll ever realize."

Silence settled comfortably between them for several moments before she spoke again. "You ask me why I came in." Another small shrug. "Because the thought of my best friend sitting in here believing he was alone..." She shook her head. “I couldn't do that. Over the years i've watched you carry the weight of this ship. I've watched you carry your department. I've watched you carry everyone else's burdens without ever asking anyone to carry yours."

Her voice became almost a whisper. "I wasn't about to let you carry this one by yourself." She smiled, though her eyes shimmered with emotion she carefully kept under control. "You once told me that engineering is about knowing which supports are load bearing."

"Well..." She gently bumped his shoulder with hers again. "So are friendships. And you've been holding me up for years." She let herself lean into him. Resting her head on his padded shoulder. "Tonight...It's my turn. You don't owe me anything. Not one damn thing. You've already paid me back a hundred times over simply by being my friend."

She smiled again, a little brighter now. "And if you insist on keeping score..." She tilted her head to look up at him. "You still have a lifetime to try."

There was a long pause before she looked back out over the rink. "You know what I saw when I walked in here?" She answered before he could. "I didn't see a failed husband. I didn't see a broken man. I saw the same stubborn engineer who refuses to leave a damaged ship until every soul aboard is safe. The same idiot who skips meals because someone else's EPS relay matters more. The same man who spent an hour explaining warp plasma to Martha because she asked one question."

Her eyes found his again. "That's the man I know. And he's still sitting right here beside me."

Her smile became teasing once more. "Granted..." She glanced toward the demolished bleachers. "He apparently has the emotional regulation of an angry moose." She chuckled softly. "But he's still him. Still good."

Then, almost absentmindedly, she rested her head against his shoulder again. It wasn't romantic. Not yet. It was familiar. Safe. Home. “There are only a handful of people I'd trust with every broken piece of me."

She looked at their hands still resting together. "You're one of them. So the next time life decides to knock you flat..." She squeezed his fingers gently. “Just look for me. The way… The way I look for you, Okay?”

Leland sat still…The weight of her against his side felt solid. Real. Her head on his shoulder… the quiet of the empty rink around them.

He didn’t move away. Instead his free hand settled carefully along her side… just above her hip. Warm. Steady. A quiet place to rest. She’s here. After everything… she’s still here. His face stayed mostly calm, but the muscle in his jaw jumped once. “Yeah…” he said, voice low and rough. “Okay… I’ll look for you. Same way you look for me.”

He exhaled through his nose… the corner of his mouth twitching like he almost wanted to smile and couldn’t quite manage it. “You’re right about the load-bearing shit… I never thought of it like that.” Leland let a calm, yet reassuring nod to Cass.

Cass smiled softly, her fingers tightening around his for just a moment. "I know."

She closed her blue eyes and just relaxed against him. "And you're finally starting to believe you don't have to carry everything alone." The corner of her mouth lifted into a warm smile. "We've spent years watching each other's backs, Lee. That's not changing. I will always be here for you."

His hand stayed on her side. Thumb brushed once… small… absent. Then her words about broken pieces hit the old place in him. Leland’s eyes went hard.

The easy set of his face tightened… brow lowered… jaw locked so tight a tendon stood out along his neck.

Those fucking animals…“Cass…” His voice dropped lower… almost a growl. “You talk about broken pieces like it’s just history… like it’s done.”

He stared out at the empty rink… nostrils flaring once. “Those bastards who took you… what they did… how they…” He stopped… swallowed hard… then forced the rest out. “How they raped you. Treated you like you were nothing.”

His fingers flexed against her side… not gripping… just holding. The anger sat right under his skin… hot and ugly. “I still get so goddamn angry thinking about it… every time it crosses my mind I want to find every last one of them… and make them pay for putting their hands on you.” Leland seethed. He felt his anger growing... What they had done to him, his Cass, his best friend on the Tomcat.

His words stole the warmth from her smile. For a long moment, Her eyes had opened, His tension became her own as she simply watched the empty ice. "They don't get to own me anymore."

Her voice was quiet, but unwavering. "What they did was monstrous, Yes... and I'll always carry it. But it does not define me." She turned to meet his eyes. "If I let that hatred become who I am... then they win twice."

She turned now facing him, Her free hand came up to rest over the stubble of his beard. "So be angry if you need to be..." She had no idea he was still carrying that after all these years. A faint, bittersweet smile appeared. "...just don't let it consume you. I had already lost enough to those nightmares. I won't lose you to them, too."

He breathed out slowly… trying to bleed the heat off before it turned into something he couldn’t control.

The hard line of his mouth softened a fraction… but the anger stayed in his eyes.

“But you’re still here… still standing… still the toughest person I know.”

Leland turned his head just enough to look down at her… his hand remaining warm and steady on her side.“And I’m not going anywhere… you hear me? Not for this… not for anything.”

She leaned forward; her lips brushed his rough cheek. She appreciated his anger. Respected it. He had nearly lost an Engineer to that monster. Jorel Haze who lived long enough to die in the following mission saving her foster brother, nonetheless. Leland had watched Cassandra kill Tevran in that jeffiers tube. She had believed he would be horrified by that and never speak to her again. Yet he hadn’t. He had remained her friend. If anything, it had brought them closer in so many ways. “Thank you…” She said when she leaned back putting space between them again. “...for staying with me. After everything.”

Her expression softened completely. "I know." The words were barely above a whisper.

"I've never doubted that." She leaned into him just a little more, comfortable in the silence between them. "And you don't have to promise you'll never leave. "A small smile returned. "You've already proven it... every single day." Her hand brushed lightly across his cheek again. She looked up at him with quiet affection unable to hide it while he was so close to her. With the taste of his skin still so fresh on her lips. Her hands began to tremble the way they always did when she thought about him in ways that extended beyond their friendship.

Leland felt the soft brush of her lips against his cheek...
That simple contact cut straight through the leftover heat still sitting in his chest...

His whole body ached like hell... legs heavy from every hard stride across the ice... shoulders tight from the checks he threw into the boards... that bandaged hand throbbing every time he so much as flexed his fingers...

But the storm inside him had finally quieted...Because Cass was here...Right here against him in the empty stands...

He let a long breath go... watching it fog a little in the cold holodeck air...“Yeah...” he muttered... voice still rough around the edges... “I aint goin nowhere. Not ever.” He looked down at her... those steady blue eyes that somehow always found him when he was at his absolute worst...“You keep sayin I’ve already proven it every day...” he said quieter now... “And I hear you. I do. But damn if it still feels good hearin it out loud when my head’s been screamin the opposite for three straight nights.”

His free hand stayed warm against her side... thumb brushing once in a slow absent pass...“You walked in here when I was ready to tear the whole damn rink apart... and somehow the second I saw you the worst of it just... backed off.”

He gave a small crooked grin... the goofy one that always showed up when he tried to lighten heavy shit without making it weird... “Guess that’s the load bearin part you were talkin about. Never thought of friendship like that before... but it fits. You always been the one beam that doesnt buckle.”

Then he noticed her hands...They were trembling just a little against his cheek and the bandage...“Cass... your hands...”

“Just cold.” She lied feeling dirty for it. She moved her hand from his face as she tried to fold away that part of her that was screaming at her to be honest. To tell him that she couldn’t help it. That being with him made her tremble in ways that were beyond physical understanding.

He watched her for a second longer... the way she looked up at him... the quiet something he could feel rolling off her even if he didnt have a name for it yet...

The empty rink below them felt less empty somehow... less cold...“I needed every bit of what you said tonight...” he admitted... voice low and a little awkward in that way only she ever got to hear... “About not bein broken just cause something I fought for still fell apart. About not carryin it alone. I been so stuck in my own head about the annulment and the new empty quarters that I forgot how good it feels when someone just... sits with you and doesn't try to fix the damn thing.”

He swallowed... Adam’s apple bobbing hard...“You really mean that... about lookin for me the same way I look for you?”

“I do. Every word of it.” Because Cassandra understood what it felt like to come home to an empty room. She understood what it was to have her world fall apart. Her brothers perceived death, loseing Martha and the death of her foster parents all in less than a year. To lose her place on the Tomcat, To be put on trial for murder and thrown away without a hope. Until Somers ahd found her and saved her. Brought her home. Broken… But home. Yes, She, knew what it was like to stand on the precipice of that darkness that was loneliness and deep despair, to feel like she had failed to save something precious. She understood him. Maybe not exactly but enough.

Leland’s body still hummed with leftover adrenaline and sore muscle... but the animal that had been pacing under his skin earlier was finally quiet...

Because she was here...Because she always showed up...He gave her shoulder a gentle bump with his own...

“Your the only one I let see me like this... you know that right? The only one I dont put the whole Chief Engineer bullshit front up for.” A short rough laugh escaped him... half self deprecating... half relieved...“Hell... most days I still act like a complete asshole to half the ship just so they keep their distance... but not with you. Never with you.”

He flexed the bandaged hand carefully... wincing a little at the sting... then glanced at the splintered remains of his old stick still lying near their feet...“That stick lasted me twenty years... and I still snapped it like it owed me money. Real mature, Hawksley.”

He looked back at her... softer this time...“You always know exactly what to say when I’m at the bottom of it... how the hell do you do that every single time?”

She shrugged. “I have been where you are. Not the divorce, but feeling alone. Like I was a failure. I understand the pain that comes with thinking you gave everything of yourself only to lose. It isn’t pretty. Its also a lie.”

She looked at him again. Her smile was small and reserved. “You're not alone. You didn’t lose, You took a shot and that's something to be proud of even if it didn’t work out… You didn’t fail.” She shifted, took a deeper breath. “Because of you, and Benson, and Falk and even Somers I have learned that I have a family here. A home here. I don’t have to be alone. And neither do you.”

The cold air still clung to his damp hair and the back of his
neck... but her warmth against his side was stronger... He was relieved... more than he could put into clean words...That she was sitting right here reminding him of every good thing he somehow forgot about himself when the anger took over... “I ain't good at this soft talk...” he said... voice low and a little goofy around the edges... “But you make it easier somehow. You always have.”

His hand stayed right where it was against her side... steady... present...“Whatever this night is... this mess I’m in... I’m glad its you sittin next to me for it.”

He looked at her one more time... really looked...“You hungry? Or you wanna just sit here a while longer and pretend the rest of the ship doesn't exist?”

Cassandra blinked dramatically, her eyes widening in exaggerated surprise. "We're on a ship?" she asked, a playful grin tugging at her lips before a soft laugh escaped her. The laughter faded, and with it, the courage she'd been trying to gather threatened to slip away. Before she could lose it, she rose and stepped in front of him. "Hey... Lee Bear."

Her voice was quiet now, almost fragile. "I know you're carrying more than anyone should right now. More than you ever let people see." She swallowed hard. Her hands had started trembling again.

"And I know the last thing you need is one more thing on your mind..." A nervous smile flickered across her face. "But I'm about to do something incredibly selfish before some gorgeous girl walks by, catches your eye, and I lose my chance forever." Her eyes searched his. "So... please don't be mad at me. Please." She lowered herself beside him, one shaking hand resting gently on his shoulder while the other rose to cradle his cheek.

Her heart pounded so fiercely she was certain he could hear it. For years she had imagined this moment. Dreamed of it. Wondered if it would ever come. had given it up completely after his marriage to Lillian. But now... Slowly she moved forward, giving him every chance to stop her, she leaned in.

The last inches disappeared between them. Her lips met his in the gentlest kiss. soft, hesitant, and filled with everything she had never found the courage to say. For one perfect heartbeat, the universe fell silent. No matter what happened next, no matter what came next, this moment was hers. She had taken her shot. She hadn't expected the tears that came. Warm against the chill of the ice rink. One part fear, two parts passion, She loved him. Even now, broken as he was she loved him. Even if he rejected her here and now, she'd still love him. She put that all into her kiss for him. That fear, that love, that passion for him.

[Cont'd Part 2]

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Captain Cassandra Mathews
Marine Commanding Officer
USS Churchill

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