Big girls don't cry
Posted on 09 Nov 2023 @ 9:34pm by 2nd Lieutenant Cassandra Mathews
1,096 words; about a 5 minute read
General Sim Postings
Location: Main Medical coma ward/ shared living space
She sat there. Her eyes going over the contures of her brothers face as he lay there in the medical bed. His pulse singing in a series of bleep bleep bleeps was oddly soothing to her rumpled nerves. She'd come here directly from her meeting with the Captain. She still wore her battle gear. Still hadn't finished her check in with her unit. She knew she would be in trouble but didn't care. Everything she cared about lay here in this room clinging to life. Bleep bleep bleep. If that wasn't enough poor Haze was gone. Dead and gone. She was aware that the thought should be more painful but she felt selfish in the relief that her brother wasn't dead as well. Not yet. Not if she had anything to say about it. She had such great news, exciting news. Martha was here at the starbase waiting for her. Waiting for him her uncle her family. Cassandra knew she should go meet Jane and Wulfgar to retrieve the girl. Still she sat glued to the chair. Desperate to find some way to awaken him. She was frightened. She didn't want to lose him too. Not after everything they had survived together. Not after they just found each other again. She had no idea what she was going to do with a baby. C'Tirr was always the gentle one. He'd know what to do. But he needed her help now. So she sat pondering trying to find some revelation that would fix everything...
Nothing came to mind. She had just been offered the opportunity to take charge of the late Lieutenant Haze's daughters. She had jumped on the opportunity. How could she say no? She had filed the paperwork this morning as she'd say in this very chair. The Kuuras clan was growing.
"You need to wake up. I really need you right now. I feel so out of my element." Cassandra admitted to his prone form.
"I keep thinking about if I'm being selfish. Or am I really doing the right thing. I just know that I don't want them to feel alone or scare like I was " she shook her head. " or maybe I'm just reflecting. I was so much younger than they are when.... When I lost my father. I didn't have grieving counseling or prior preparation of the possible loss. These girls... His girls are so strong. They are handling this much better than I expected." She sighed deeply rubbing her eyes for a moment. She got up paced for a few minutes thinking of everything and nothing at the same time.
The nurses came fed him and activated the nerves to keep his body functioning. Cassandra paid attention to this keenly. The nurses tried to get her to go eat herself. But Cassandra wasn't hungry. Not for food anyways. She was starving for the sound of her brothers voice. What if he woke up and she wasn't there? She'd never forgive herself.
A few hours later the doctor came in with the nurse to evaluate his condition and for another round of stimulation of the nerves and neral pathways. Cassandra was urged again to go eat and maybe shower. To which Cassandra merely growled. Not to long after that security came and more then urged her to move along.
Not wanting to land herself in the brig, Cassandra begrudgingly complied. Jane and Wulfgar had left her several messages. She knew she could not avoid meeting up with them much longer.
Cassandra went to her quarters. The ones she shared with C'Tirr. A family unit they called me. It felt so empty. Haunted by the memories they shared here. She could hear the echoes of his laughter, the soothing purr of his voice as they talked about their day. She was supposed to be setting up Martha's space in her bedroom. A crib had been delivered and Cassandra could see the bags of baby things left around waiting for her attention. It was this duty that kept her from fleeing from the shared quarters. Duty to that little girl who deserved to have her space. Who deserved to occupy Cassandras thoughts and heart as well. She couldn't flee from that responsibility. So instead she busied herself with putting little clothes on little hangers and trying to read the instructions Wulfgar had left for the baby proofing of the area. Time seemed to crawl as she secured outlets and inlets and bumpers on edges. Finally it was all finished. The space was transformed from a place of old memories into a space awaiting new ones. The toys and blankets and frilly baby things had breathed a new life into the place. Two days. In two days she'd be expected to take charge of the girl. Cassandra felt terrified and excited but mostly exhausted and oh so worried. She sat on the plush rocking chair her face in her hands wanting nothing more than to cry. She couldn't though. She couldn't afford tears anymore than she could afford to be afraid. It was going to be alright. She had to believe that. Embrace it. Make it into truth. If she was granted custody of the Haze sisters she'd have to move to a bigger unit. That was still a big IF. The girls had been sent to live with their father upon his return to Starbase 51. Now they had nowhere to go. Though the eldest wanted to return to their boarding school on Betazed. Betazed was where they had been staying while their mother was in treatment. Cassandra leaned back letting the chair rock her gently. Forward and back, forward and back. Calming. She'd of course let them go if that's what they wanted. She'd make the arrangements and see to it that there was someone there to look after them. They deserved some stability. Some familiarity. She'd speak to the girls about it more after the ruling. She closed her eyes. Felt her body almost give into sleep..
Her alarm went off...
She jumped nearly out of her skin. At first she didn't know where she was. So unfamiliar were the surroundings. She almost ran out the door to medical. Then remembered that she was asked to shower before her next visit. Maybe it wouldn't hurt. Plus she'd probably feel better in a clean uniform. She forced her self to do both and to choke down some food. Coffee and a few protein rations. Then she was back at medical harassing the nurses and taking up her post at her brothers side.